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Domestic debates can transform household harmony into discord especially when matters about "chores" here, there and everywhere.
"The kitchen floor looks fine to me!", "You never clean the toilet.", "We'll just sleep in the bed again tonight - why make it?, etc.
These are but some evidences that my family members and even my husband sometimes remark when we speak about chores, chores and chores.
Thanks to Sarah Moran, Minneapolis-based health writer which I find her column in one of this country's famous magazine that talks more about Household Chores: Divide and Conquer. (Actually, I apply it to my family at home and I happily see that it works.)
Part of Moran's study revealed that household chores can generate tensions that may result to a disruptive effect on relationships.
"People start to feel a sense of inequity," says Pepper Schwartz; Ph.D., a relationship expert and sociologists at the University of Washington in Seattle. The resulting feelings of frustration can throw a new relationship mired in conflict. On the other hand, "What's more," says Jan Hoistad Ph.D., a Minneapolis-based psychologist who specialized in relationship counseling, settling the household labor question frees more energy for positive, creative and peaceful relationships at home. She suggests that investing some time now in creating a workable system for conquering household chores will pay big dividends in future domestic bliss.
In addition, a recent report from the Council on Contemporary families noted that American couples share chores more equitably are less likely to divorce.
And how to fix "household chores wars", first, make a starting point like - What life do we wan tot be living in this house?, What do we want from this space? After agreeing on an ideal for your room or house, then start working toward things that advance the ideal feeling. In this way, each person begins to see how he or she can take responsibility for maintaining the household and, ultimately, why it matters.
"This is a team approach in which people in the house see each other as partners instead of enemies," says Peter Walsh, a Los Angeles-based organizational consultant and author of Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat? (Free Press, 2008). He explains that adding children should be involved in these meetings at as young an age as possible. "It's a great training ground for kids, and it also gives them ownership over what happens at home." Walsh added.
Most important, "Consider everyone's preferences and irritations without becoming defensive," says Hoistad, Let people choose their chores, because there might be tasks that suit their strengths more naturally. Then trust everyone to follow through - and avoid micro-managing (no complaints about vacuuming in zigzags). Negotiate new agreement if task isn't getting done or you can adopt a rotating schedule with each family member taking a turn.
"The kitchen floor looks fine to me!", "You never clean the toilet.", "We'll just sleep in the bed again tonight - why make it?, etc.
These are but some evidences that my family members and even my husband sometimes remark when we speak about chores, chores and chores.
Thanks to Sarah Moran, Minneapolis-based health writer which I find her column in one of this country's famous magazine that talks more about Household Chores: Divide and Conquer. (Actually, I apply it to my family at home and I happily see that it works.)
Part of Moran's study revealed that household chores can generate tensions that may result to a disruptive effect on relationships.
"People start to feel a sense of inequity," says Pepper Schwartz; Ph.D., a relationship expert and sociologists at the University of Washington in Seattle. The resulting feelings of frustration can throw a new relationship mired in conflict. On the other hand, "What's more," says Jan Hoistad Ph.D., a Minneapolis-based psychologist who specialized in relationship counseling, settling the household labor question frees more energy for positive, creative and peaceful relationships at home. She suggests that investing some time now in creating a workable system for conquering household chores will pay big dividends in future domestic bliss.
In addition, a recent report from the Council on Contemporary families noted that American couples share chores more equitably are less likely to divorce.
And how to fix "household chores wars", first, make a starting point like - What life do we wan tot be living in this house?, What do we want from this space? After agreeing on an ideal for your room or house, then start working toward things that advance the ideal feeling. In this way, each person begins to see how he or she can take responsibility for maintaining the household and, ultimately, why it matters.
"This is a team approach in which people in the house see each other as partners instead of enemies," says Peter Walsh, a Los Angeles-based organizational consultant and author of Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat? (Free Press, 2008). He explains that adding children should be involved in these meetings at as young an age as possible. "It's a great training ground for kids, and it also gives them ownership over what happens at home." Walsh added.
Most important, "Consider everyone's preferences and irritations without becoming defensive," says Hoistad, Let people choose their chores, because there might be tasks that suit their strengths more naturally. Then trust everyone to follow through - and avoid micro-managing (no complaints about vacuuming in zigzags). Negotiate new agreement if task isn't getting done or you can adopt a rotating schedule with each family member taking a turn.
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